Lent Exercises: Sleep - A Meditation on Betrayal and Compassion

Adapted from Wait With Me; Meeting God in Loneliness. 

As we move into Holy Week we’ll consider Jesus’ arrest, trial, and passion. 

“Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane; and he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” 37 He took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be grieved and agitated. 38 Then he said to them, “I am deeply grieved, even to death; remain here, and stay awake with me.” 39 And going a little farther, he threw himself on the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; yet not what I want but what you want.” 40 Then he came to the disciples and found them sleeping; and he said to Peter, “So, could you not stay awake with me one hour? 41 Stay awake and pray that you may not come into the time of trial; the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” 42 Again he went away for the second time and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” 43 Again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. 44 So leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words. 45 Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and taking your rest? See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. 46 Get up, let us be going. See, my betrayer is at hand.”” (Matthew 26:36-46)

I’d always imagined Jesus walking away from his disciples, leaving them uncertain about what he was doing, and unclear about how painfully distraught he was.  But that’s not how the passage reads.  Peter, James, and John are with him when he began to be grieved and agitated.  Jesus speaks to them about his desperate need for companionship.  Jesus simply wants to be with his friends in the final hours before his passion.  Jesus is clearly upset, “grieved, even to death,” and his friends promptly fall asleep. 

The context of this passage makes Peter, James, and John’s sleeping even more of a betrayal.  Peter had promised, boldly, over dinner, “Though all become deserters because of you, I will never desert you.”[1]  Yet, here, a short time after dinner, with no threats or fears for his safety, Peter abandons Jesus to thrash in grief on the ground all alone.  One time, Peter had even chided Jesus, “do you not care that we are perishing.”[2]  He said this because Jesus was asleep in the back of the boat while Peter and the disciples were trying to keep their boat upright in the midst of raging wind and deadly waves.   Now, Jesus is the one facing a storm, a storm to darken the sky, mutilate his flesh, and torture him to death, and Peter’s asleep. 

Justice would spit Peter’s words in his face.  Imagine Jesus coming over to Peter and shaking him awake, “do you not care that I am perishing,” Jesus’ face a mix of sternness and desolation.  But instead Jesus absorbs Peter’s injustice and inconsistency.  Peter doesn’t know it yet, but he’s already deserted Jesus.  

How could Jesus have been in such obvious distress and his best friends leave him wailing in prayer, in a state of anguish, after being explicitly asked to sit and pray with him? 

Jesus’ response to his friends’ sleeping shows dizzying amounts of compassion and self-control.  He does not lash out at them in anger and spite, nor does he withdraw from them in bitterness.  Jesus reaches out to them, confronting their failure and inviting them, again, to share in these hours of anguish with him.  The contrast between Jesus’ desperation and his composed compassion was arresting.  How could Jesus, even in the midst of his desperate grief, demonstrate concern for Peter, James, and John? 

As you reflect on this story what do you want to say to Jesus?