Is Online Activism Making Us Lonely?

Is online activism contributing to our loneliness?   The longing for a better, more just, and healthier world is an important part of our shared humanity.  Still, choosing to raise your voice in the face of injustice is relationally risky.  What if your words are misunderstood? What if your words or actions upset the people you’re close to?   

These outcomes are not just possible but likely.  In their book Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection John Cacioppo and William Patrick argue, “Loneliness rarely travels alone.” Depression, anxiety, hostility, and sadness are all distinct emotional states but are strongly influenced by loneliness. 

As much as we may be compelled to reach out for change, we also experience fear of rejection, appropriate hostility toward injustice, dejection, and grief. Each one of these emotions reduces our capacity to accurately interpret the messages of other people and to control our response.  

I was reminded of this recently when Carl reached out with a strong message to a group of his friends inviting us to take specific actions in anti-racism.  This is a close friend and a relationship of deep trust.  I was happy to continue to do the steps outlined.  Still, I was struck by the strength of the message and wanted to care for my friend.  So, I asked “what’s important to you in this midst of this painful season?”  The care was right, the timing all wrong.  Carl experienced the question as aggression, aloofness, or entitlement.  His strong response provoked fear and defensiveness in me.  By the grace of God, and a shared set of intentionally developed relationship skills, both of us were able to quickly re-orient and build trust.  I apologized for my poor timing, promising availability to talk, or not to talk, at his initiation.  Carl expressed forgiveness, and trust in my intentions.  

While I was grateful for the quick resolution with Carl, I couldn’t help but think of dozens of other relationships or interactions that didn’t resolve so positively.  

It’s tempting to imagine that the broader and more intentionally curated context for activism through social media might make it easier to stay emotionally connected while engaging in activism. 

According to Pew research, 53 percent of all Americans have been involved in some kind of online civil activism within the last year, while over 65 percent believe that social media is important for getting politicians to pay attention to issues and creating social movements. Around the United States, and around the world, we’re spending more time online. That online presence and participation have a socially active edge. It’s worth asking whether this civil activism is helping us be more civil or more active. 

The initial evidence isn’t good. In his book Lost Connections, Johann Hari writes, “The internet was born into a world where many people had already lost their sense of connection to each other. . . . The web arrived offering them a kind of parody of what they were losing—Facebook friends in place of neighborhoods, video games in place of meaningful work, status updates in place of status in the world.” Whatever causal relationship social media has to our sense of isolation and loneliness, it is unable to provide the in-person contact and connections we need to thrive. 

What does our increased engagement in civil activism and decline in the sense of connection to one another mean? How might these trends relate to one another? 

One thing’s for sure, we are increasingly isolated. Our tastes, habits, interests, education, and income are being tracked in order to persuade us to buy the next gadget, click on the next video, and consume the next experience. Marilyn McEntyre reflects, “When even our babies are a target market, and armies of young professionals are taking careful aim, it’s time to recognize that there’s something lurking in the big-box stores that’s worth resisting.” 

The combination of declining personal connections, constant marketing bombardment, and the promise of new media offering a parody of what we’ve lost could account for the context we find ourselves in. We are more civically minded and less civil. We are more inclined toward activism and less active in churches, community groups, and neighborhood associations. A long-time activist and good friend Jonathan says, “What happens when I post or protest is that I feel seen, valued, celebrated, and included, these feelings don’t last though when they’re not anchored in something permanent. The protest will end. The hashtag will fade.” 

The longing for a better, more just, and healthier world is an important part of our shared humanity. The amplifying power of our communication technologies means more and more of us can and engaged with this vital part of our humanity. These technologies do not minimize the risks of activism, nor do they make us less lonely.

Adapted from Wait With Me: Meeting God in Loneliness, by Jason Gaboury